... DECISION MATRIX
Q: How do I know if SITM its right for me?
A: We hear this question all the time, and unfortunately, there's no easy answer. Only your doctor can say for sure. Despite recent refinements, laboratory tests remain bafflingly inconclusive. Worse, they aren't covered by most health insurance plans. Recent research has, nonetheless, proven that middles are important; and that why you don't want yours having nothing in it (unless you're a donut by birth or you self-identify as one).
To help navigate these treacherous waters in the absence of informed, competent medical advice, we've prepared this handy 6-step Decision Matrix — especially for you.
Step 1 — True or False Questions
(If you answer ‘True’ to at least half of these questions, please proceed to Step 2. SITM might be right for you!)
Now tally your answers. If you answered "True"" to 11 or more questions, congratulations, SITM might be right for you! Proceed to Step 2. If not, proceed to Step 5.
Step 2 — Review Your Options
THE WHOLE DONUT
Something in the Middle — Small Stories from the Far Side of Consciousness by A.I. Wand
• 499 pages including Graphics and Bonus Material
• 38 chapters plus Bonus Material (Deep Cuts, Demos, and Outtakes)
• Full-color digital eBook with Graphics and Bonus Material ($9.99)
• B/W paperback with B/W Graphics (no Bonus Material) ($14.99)
• Full-color paperback with Graphics (no Bonus Material) ($39.99)
AN SITM DIGITAL-ONLY PROMO
Big Fish in a Small Pond — Selected Stories from Something in the Middle by A.I. Wand
• 105 pages, text only, no Graphics
• 6 of the "Biggest Fish" SITM has to offer (and none of the Little Ones)
• Digital eBook without Graphics ($3.99)
THE DONUT HOLE
Something in the Middle by Sir Agatha Giles is not available for sale at this time. *
* Federal Law currently prohibits downloading donut holes from the internet. Even selling them in paperback form creates burdensome tax consequences, but we're working tirelessly with our State and Federal lawmakers to try and remove this archaic, shortsighted legislation from the books.
Step 3 - Choose Your Book
There are two ways to get into a swimming pool, and you get wet either way.
1) If you wade in an inch or two at a time, you might want to start with Big Fish in a Small Pond. This is a small, bite-sized promotional item comprised of six of SITM's longer short stories, which allow you to see if you like the taste before swallowing. Even without graphics, we think you will.
2) If you're a headfirst diver or cannonballer, go ahead and purchase Something in the Middle in its entirety. You'll get all the first trimester's Strange Cravings, a variety of Wild Mood Swings during the second, and the plethora of Nesting Behaviors from number three. Plus, you'll enter the Not-A.I.W. universe, meet the author(s), and learn the story of how all these small fictions were created. Despite the fact that SITM isn't a comic book or a graphic novel, it boasts dozens and dozens of amazing, full-color graphics to enhance your reading experience. (And if you're lucky, you might just become a writer yourself! Click click, Flash flash.)
Step 4 — Choose Your Format
Purchase your copy of SITM or Big Fish in whatever format you choose by clicking below. We cater to both page-turners and WiFi-ers. In the future, after the thrill is gone and we're just doing it for the money, we may offer SITM as a grossly overpriced hardback, a rolled papyrus scroll, or even a 9-foot by 12-foot tapestry. But for now, let's keep it simple.
Note: We DON'T recommend the eBook if you don't know what Wi-Fi is.
Another Note: We DON'T recommend the paperback if you're prone to paper cuts. Yet Another: If you're one of the unfortunate souls who doesn't know what Wi-Fi is AND who's prone to paper cuts, we DO recommend you go to your nearest thrift store and buy all their available audiobooks on cassette while you still can. You can get most titles for a quarter. And don't forget to buy a tape recorder, which will probably set you back another buck or so.
A Final Note: Assuming you're not logging off and heading immediately to the thrift store, we DO recommend the full-color options below which maximize the impact of the graphics. The graphics not only enhance your reading experience, they were especially designed to modulate your Theta waves so that, for many minutes in a row, you can pretend you're a Bottle-nosed Dolphin breathing great, salty gulps of sea-air in through the shiny hole in your back. (That's not really true, but it was fun to write.)
• (All Kidding Aside: The graphics don't display well on the black and white Kindle Paperwhite, but they work fine on Androids, iPhones, and all other color devices, even paper!)
Step 5 — Feel Good About Your Decision
• Congratulations and try to remember this moment. You make something like 200 decisions per day, and you just made what might prove to be the single best decision of your life.
Step 6 — Optional
• If you enjoyed SITM or Big Fish, please spread the word, recommend to a friend, leave a review, or re-read your favorite parts again. If you didn't enjoy SITM or Big Fish, please consider recommending them to your enemies. Thank you.